I remember the first time opening up this website… I spent hours at night, editing when I should have been studying or working, trying to fit the vision of what I thought was going to be perfect, into one tiny little site. Surely enough, it did not take me long to realize that my idea of a vision was a cracked up website that probably gives off the impression that a two year old logged in, got bored, and started flopping random colors down on a random screen. Despite it all though, the ideas for all these posts still lingered. My first, an account of the top ten most embarrassing first impressions I’ve ever made, from telling a guy he had nice cardboard abs to meeting one of my best friends. Clearly, that did not work out, and later on, I came to realize what little patience this gal over here truly possesses. Somewhere in her years of life on the outside… but most definitely five on the inside.
Anyways, I think I originally started this site to get writing again, jotting down ideas, rants, lists, all the things that I once loved and wished I would love again. The problem was, there never was enough motivation, to sit down and keep typing, to listen to the clack of the keys and the feeling of the ridges on the “f” and the “j” brush against my fingers again. There never was enough concentration, to sit down and not try to reach into my big bowl of grapes and wet my mouse, or get into an article long enough so that I would sit through and finish. However, the one thing that always stood out to me the most, was that I no longer had the inspiration, to write what I wanted to write and feel what I wanted to feel when I wrote those beautiful words on a document or on a fresh sheet of graph paper. To start and end, and fill in the middle with something beautiful… with my own beautiful story… Well, I just could not figure out anymore.
I remember, long ago, I used to get my ideas from dreams. My dreams ranged from outrageous to just plain flat out wet… (is that even what they call it these days?), from being locked inside a see-through, giant, metal gummy bear, to finally getting that backseat ride with that cute boy from way back when. It was a place where I was truthful, where I could finally be honest without anyone feeling the need to judge, or me feeling the need to hide. It was a place like home… and don’t we all need homes somewhere? Even if for me, it was just in my subconscious.
At some point, long ago, I stopped remembering most of my dreams. Sometimes, I would wake up drenched in sweat. Other times, I would wake up oddly calm, but unsure of myself. Sometimes, on those rare occasions, I would wake up happy, and for a few seconds, I could just remember the happiness before it all fades away.
So welcome to my mind, a place full of anxiety, stress, mood swings, and maybe just a little love here and there. I hope you come to enjoy it, as much as I hope to as well.
Now I will admit, dreams stopped driving my writing and inspiring me quite a long time ago, but I do still think, and write, and jot, and even occasionally draw, though my art is far from impressive.
These days, a lot of my inspiration, I try to drive through from other sources, keeping tons of notebooks (graph paper only) with me jotting down any ideas or scenes I happen to come across along the way. I always had trouble coming up with beginnings… or frankly endings, so I do apologize in advance if any of these disappoint. I write scenes, not beginnings or endings. I’m still trying to find my beginning to this website, so I apologize if some of these original posts sound a bit slow, or choppy, or just flat out stupid. After all, I never really excelled in the english department growing up.
Anyways, for those out there like me, here are some other places where I’ve been trying to draw inspiration from these days. No matter how fun or outrageous, I promise many of my posts to come will have some reference somewhere to something else off in this world.
- Math Textbooks – To start, I remember always opening up a math book, from when I was just a small girl learning her times tables to learning trigonometry and beyond in high school, I always dreaded doing the word problems. If your parents are anything like mine, the education obsessed ones who print off extra problems from websites like “Edhelper” to help give you a little boost in education, well these fit into this category too! (Not to say that those sites were not a huge help growing up, because they were!) Every time, I always found it fascinating reading through and finding those funny problems that matched up all the character names. “One day, Adam, Bob, and Candy decided to make a basket of fresh food for their colleague, Dan. Adam was picking apples. Bob decided to help him out and pick some bananas. Later on, Candy joined in, picking some fresh carrots. At the end of the day, Adam, Bob, and Candy picked twelve pounds of fresh fruits and vegetables. They each ended up picking the same amount of their own fruit or vegetable. How many pounds of carrots did Candy pick?” First of all, notice the fab-tastic alliteration. Thank you math gods! Secondly, this question, or one fairly similar to that, actually inspired a tragic scene in a novel that I had picked up not long ago, about a group of friends finally bonding together after an accident and doing something sweet for the family of their friend. Math word problems are probably my favorite example of those dumb things that jump straight into a middle, but it gives me an easier idea of a beginning to a perfect scene.
- TV Shows – Netflix and chill out with a notebook! Honestly, one of my favorite places to get inspiration from is Netflix, as cheesy as it sounds. Some days, when I get overly stressed out, which believe me, happens far more often than it should, I always find it utterly calming just to sit through an episode of two of “Switched At Birth”, or “Psych” and just pick out and write down those really heartwarming moments or those incredible funny or sarcastic lines. Looking back at some of them months later, stories really start to form around them, and it is truly beautiful. Every time Shawn Spencer came up with a crazy new name and title, like the “Bureau of Magic and Spellcasting”, a new idea or scene always filled my head.
- Life’s drama – Jeez… Take a character rename him/her and then proceed to write a freaking biography. I promise you any single bit of life is enough to be spun and transformed into the most beautiful story or scene. That’s all I am going to say. (p.s. This is a great place to steal really cheesy, totally nonredundant quotes from.)
- Social Media – Wow how formal that sounds… how about we just rephrase that to instagram, snapchat, twitter, and facebook, but more specifically, the pictures on these. I am betting that I am not the only one who has ever sat in bed wasting hours of time stalking other people’s twitters, instagrams, or even simply their “timelines” on chatting apps. Each one gives such a large insight into their lives… talk about internet safety at its best. I know personally, from my own instagram, you would find a girl with lots of different friends, but never one best friend. You would find a girl obsessed with tennis, who stopped posting tennis pics at her favorite club not too long ago. You would find a girl with the most disgusting socks tan anyone could ever possibly have. You would find a girl repeatedly deleting and adding new pics. Perhaps most importantly, you would find a girl with not only the most ratchet captions in the world, but definitely the least photogenic one in the world. On my twitter, you would see a girl who just does not give a crap about the site, which in all honesty, I really do not. However, behind each account, there is a story, a whole personality, a person. There is a starting point to every story, a vacation to write about, a fancy obsession, or a cute romance. Anything really, can be a starting, middle, and ending point for a story, and all you really have to do… is go stalking.
- Online Window Shopping – This one is definitely more geared towards girls… if that makes any difference. Take a crop top, and write a summer scene. Take a pair of khakis, and write a mischievous church scene. Take a pineapple bikini, and write a summer Cali surf scene… better yet, write a treasure hunt about a missing pineapple. Now while that one is slightly out there, and not that I’m judging… but there ain’t no treasure hunt outside *groans* worth only ONE pineapple?! Make it five and then we can discuss.
- Art – How cliche… I honestly do not remember any of the stories I wrote when I was younger, asides from one solid six page story about a picture. God, I can’t even remember the name of artist, and let me just say, the artwork did not even have a name. It was just a beautiful piece of work with a little quote on the bottom, and it gave me the inspiration to write a runaway article about three teens and a whole bunch of aliens… just from a picture of a door. Who would’ve guessed.