Back when I still watched One Tree Hill god knows how long ago, I remember this one quote, that for some reason really spoke to me even though I do not think I have ever truly been in love before like Haley and Lucas.
“I love you Lucas, and I probably always will… but we go days without having a meaningful conversation… and I used to miss you so much when that happened… but it never seemed like you missed me. And I guess because of it I stopped missing you.”
And I realized just how right she was. At some point I had let all those little pointless boyfriends and hopeless crushes dictate the way I felt about me and about others.
I loved myself. But because you never did, I guess I stopped loving myself.
I hated everything that was so wrong with me that never led me to you, that never made me feel like I deserved you.
Sometimes it felt like just a privilege talking with you, sitting next to you, breathing the same air as you, it made me wonder what was really worth it anymore. Was I really worth anything? Because what is there really left to do when the one person you wish would look at you differently and finally make you feel like you were worth something… Couldn’t.
Special thanks to Paddy, for all these feelings… And then some. Lol.